


I Really Should Say No One of These Days

by LyrikalNotes



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Ficlet, Fluff, Humor, I tag humor but I can't guarantee it, Mentions of horse death, Oneshot, The thought seemed pretty funny to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 20:04:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13577988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyrikalNotes/pseuds/LyrikalNotes
Summary: There was just something about seeing a creature of darkness mourning the loss of his companion...In which Dark Link won't let his poor horse die.





	I Really Should Say No One of These Days

It was strange. Strange and very unexpected. The Horse God knew his little fountain was secluded. Few to no travelers stumbling acrossed his quaint pond but those who did always wore the same face. Heartbroken yet hopeful. Had they finally found it? The rumored placed to restore their beloved steed? He'd always jest but leave a clear warning. A horse's life was not a tool. Treat them with kindness. But... he had not expected _this._

Waters still upon the surface of his pond, a good amount of time had passed since a soul stepped foot upon his grounds. A soft rumble. Light crunching as footsteps slowly approach the pond. A sharp sense filled the air the second the strange being entered. It was not one of the light goddess's precious people. At once giant hands broke through the water's surface, heaving up the rest of his body despite not being attached. Twitching, head hanging loosely he'd bellow out to the thing that dared show itself.

"Come to corrupt my land, have we? I will allow no such thing, vile being!" Head shaking violently, clawed hands swirl around him. A scare tactic. Better to try this than use power. As said visitors had been few meaning rupees and endura carrots were just as rare to find into his area. How grand to be a god... Yet the thing barely flinched. Though its slight stumble didn't go unnoticed. Good at least it was something.

Red eyes stared up at the other. Silent, calculating, waiting. Hands still moving, Malanya's head snaps the other direction. "Are you deaf? I said begone with you!" Another step forward. Really now did this thing have a death wish? Hands crashing down on the edge of his flowery bed, he looms over the being. "I'll give one last warning, fiend. I'll eat you ALIVE now scat!" No reaction. Then it, slowly as if still thinking out its action, shook its head.

Slightly taken back, all the Horse God does is stare. "...no?" Again it shook its head.

"I will do no such thing." Voice deep, almost a growl. "I heard there's something you could do for me." Malanya's fingers curl. A laugh tickles the back of his throat but he lets it fizzle out.

"Me? For _you?_ You really must be mad!" Regardless of this bizarre claim, the water sloshes as the deity leans back. Head tilting back curious what the thing could even be referring to. Taking a closer look now, shoulders sagged, lips pinched at the corners, eyes slightly puffy underneath. As stoic as it tried to appear... was it sad? No... those couldn't be signs of grieving.

"You revive horses." No beating around the bush. No hesitation. Spoken as fact not a inquiry like most of his visitors do.

"I do."

"I want you to bring back Blue Moon."

A chuckle. Then laughter. Loud and booming. He didn't even try to hold it in anymore. It... it wanted its horse back?! That's why it was here? Never! Never in all his existence had one of the pigman's creations come for their horse! Typically they were the ones who killed the steed off. As sad as it was he was happy when such spirits returned to him. Better dead then under their harsh treatment.

Face pinching more, the shadow being narrows its eyes at him. "I'm sorry. Was there something funny I missed?" Immediately the laughter cut off. Hands slamming down at once more. Water splashing everywhere as Maylana's head lunges forward stopping just inches from the creature. The vile magic radiating off of it. Clashing and repelling against his own. " _YOU! YOU_  WISH TO REVIVE _YOUR_ HORSE?! What a joke! I bet you were the one that killed it!"

Face contorting to a snarl, it snaps back. "I did no such thing! The only thing I killed were those damned bokoblins who thought they can ride him!" Once more silent surrounds the pair. Just as suddenly as he had lunged towards the other he was back to leaning back in his pond.

"We'll see what your horse has to say about this..." Head shaking in short jerky motions, the animal's spirit was called forth. Gently coaxed from its slumber in the afterlife. Immediate the god could tell this one was a temperamental one. Wild, unbroken, listening to no one. He was surprised the shade even attempted to tame the beast. Yet to his surprise the horse's whispers reached his ears. The shade had been... kind to him? Well he'll be darned. To think such a thing was even capable of showing such emotions. Just as the shade had said, it appears some bokoblin forced itself onto his back and beat him to death when he refused to listen.

Arms crossing it taps its foot impatiently. "Are you going to give my horse back or not?" If he had lips or eyes he'd narrow them at the other.

"No respect have you? You know if one truly wishes to get something from another this is not the way to go about it." Despite that, Malanya begins his ritual of drawing forth the horse back into their plane of existence. At once a flash of bright light covers the area and there the light blue horse stands proud. Adorn in a fancy saddle, and a red feather tuft parting the blueish tinted bangs, and the top part of his tail was braided.... this shade really pampered his steed. Turning back to the being, a black blur barely catches his eyes before the shadow creature throws himself onto the neck of the horse. Face burying into Blue Moon's mare, soft words almost missed if he wasn't paying attention spoken to its steed. Pulling back, a gentle smile graces the thing's face. One hand stroking the snout.

The Horse God was confounded at the scene before him. This whole experience was one shock after another. Maybe... maybe he judged too quickly. No. Things like these were always sly. So what if it had showed care to the beast, it still allowed the horse to die.

"I'll leave you with these parting words, oh creature of darkness. You treat him well. Do not make the same mistake twice. I may not be so forgiving next time."

The thing moved to speak but already Malanya's body went limp. Submerging back into his watery domain. That was the last he would see of the other...or so he thought.

**~~~**

Years. Years had passed. The land was at peace. Monsters were dwindled to just about nonexistence. Visitors had slowed to a stop. No more accidental deaths by the hands of those creatures. Maybe the occasional bridge collapsing or rock falling but his job was dead as of late. ...heh dead. Funny that phrase was here. But all would not remain quiet for much longer.

A prickling. Sharp and creeping yet he recognized it instantly. Body shooting out of the water, claws aimed and ready inches from closing around the form before him. Head cocked at an unnatural angle yet limp at the same time. "I WILL DEVOUR YOU!" Eyes narrowed, a sword and shield had appeared somewhere along the time Malanya had shot out at the being. "...I jest."

Fingers curling in, Malanya pulls back to his dwelling place. "It's you." Head snapping to the side, a rattling as he does so. "Surely your steeds are alive and well."

Sword and shield breaking off into black wisps, it slowly relaxes itself. "Um... well..." The shade shifts a bit.

"So I see..." Lunging forward again, nails scrape at the ground next to the shadow being. "YOUR SOUL IS MINE FOR THE DEATH OF YOUR STEED! ...I jest"

An odd look scrunches the raven colored face staring up at him. The air surrounding him, though harsh with dark magic, carried an undertone of sadness. Not as much as when they first met but still there. "Can I just please have my horse back?" A hum fills the air. Studying the strange being before him.

"I suppose... but... I need... some...thing." It tilts its head at the god. Face flashing with annoyance.

"Okay...? What exactly would that be?" A light drumming as his fingers tap against the soft padding of the mushrooms leading to his pond.

"I... only had it a few rare times in my life. I want a endura carrot." Head snapping suddenly face now inches from the other. "OR I'LL HAVE YOU FOR DINNER! ...I-"

"Jest. I get it." Hand already digging through one of its pouches, it sifts through its things with a deadpanned look before the delectable treat is produced. At once the god snatches the item offered, practically inhaling the vegetable in the process.

"Are we good now?"

A hmph was given in response. "Still no respect given. I thought I told you about that. Now lets see what happened this time." Calling the steed forth, it would seem during the sleek rains of Faron's region the poor thing lost it's footing along a narrow pathway. Head rattling, the Horse God pulls back. Beginning the ritual, the familiar flash of light followed by the whine of the blue steed.

"Horses aren't some tool. Don't push them to extremes, shade. Don't not make the same mistake twice."

A thank you was heard yet the water was already stilling from where the deity once appeared.

**~~~**

Fingers drummed against the squishy padding. "...I'm sorry?"

"You heard me. I said I wish to revive Blue Moon."

The drumming stopped. The enclosed rocky area falling quiet. "It's been quite some time. The horse should have died of old age." Eyes unwavering, a slight nod was given.

"Aye... he did." The end of its sentence clipped. A small tremble of its bottom lip. Fighting the tears that threatened to conjure forth. Really he was still surprised how much this dark creation clung to its horse. Not even most of Hylia's creation showed this deep of connection their horsey friend.

Body falling limp, water sloshes over the edge of his dwelling place. "I am a god but even I have rules to abide. I may only call forth horses who died of unforeseen occurances not natural causes."

"Please! Y-you have too! You don't-" Cutting itself off, it starts pawing at its pouch, "I have five endura carrots! I'll fetch more if need be." Crimson eyes pleading as it looks up at the deity.

"F-five..." Hands shoot up to slam into the ground, leaning close to the other. "FIVE ENDURA CARROTS I-" Head violently shaking abruptly snaps to a stop. "Bribing a god? Have you no shame?"

"I want my horse." It... it was really bribing him to bring its horse back.

"Heh...heheheh...HEHEHEHEHEHEH WHAT IS THIS?! NEVER! I'VE NEVER WITNESSED SUCH A TURN OF EVENTS! YOU- are something else."

The dark creature didn't look amused in the slightest. "Do you want to eat the carrots or not?"

"I should eat you instead."

**~~~~**

"Arrow to the neck."

"You can blame your damn hero for that."

Swaying side to side, empty sockets watch the other before him. Centuries. Centuries this being of vile magic has been coming to him giving only one request. To bring back one horse. Blue Moon. Why? He never knew. Now don't get him wrong. Horses were wonderful creatures to befriend. Such friendships priceless in the god's eyes. Nothing was quite like it. Each time the dark being approached, the grieve and sadness lessen but still held its marks. Knowing full well now that its horse wouldn't be gone for long. Damn thing...

"I SHOULD SMITE YOU WHERE YOU STAND! HYRULE'S HERO IS VALUABLE TO ALL LIFE!" Hands quick to wrap over its torso. The burn of the two magics clashing. It only growls in warning. Clearly unamused with his transparent threat. Hands unfurrowing, he releases the shade. "...I jest."

"I know. As you do every other time." Tone tight. Hands resting on its hips in some sassy pose.

His head notches a bit. Quiet. "Do you ever lighten up or are you always so full of spite?"

The thing blinks at him. "Excuse me?"

"...nothing... I was thinking out loud. So...do you...have....the thing..."

It sighs digging for the delicious treats hidden away. "I don't understand why you always have to ask so weirdly."

"I CAN EAT YOU WHERE YOU STAND, FIEND!"

Another sigh. "Or so you jest..."

**~~~~**

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why Blue Moon? It's an odd name." The shade turns away from the horse happily chewing the apple given to him.

"It's not weird. Who are you to judge what name I give anyways?" Defensive. Rattling of his head sounds out. Interesting.

"Everyone has their reason is why.... so? Why Blue Moon? ANSWER OR I WILL REVOKE YOUR REQUEST!" Hands shooting out curled as if ready to strike the other. "I...jest."

A glare was the response in return. Turning back to Blue Moon, its hands reach up to lightly stroke his snout. Still choosing to stay quiet on the matter. If he could, he would scrunch his face up. Stubborn as always. Hands twitching, sharp claws inch closer. "OR AM I?" A groan. Crimson eyes glancing back at the looming god.

"I don't get you...at all. The Great Fairies make better sense than you and I'm thoroughly convinced they're all drag." Drag? What strange phrase was this? Hands curling and uncurling as he takes this in.

"Answer fiend OR ELSE!" Hands slam into the ground, Blue Moon's head snapping up from the shade's hold, nose flaring in concern. Dropping its hands to its side, it sends a blank look towards him.

"Because...I wanted too." The Horse God looms closer, a noise made to go on. It shuffles a bit awkwardly, a light flush spreading acrossed darkened skin. "It... it's the name that one of the bazaars have... for a cold treat that I really like." The last bit rushed and mumbled but he heard it.

"Heh... So you're one of those people-"

"Cram it, horse face!"

**~~~**

A silent stare off. Neither moved. A sigh as his hands drop back into the watery abyss that he called his home.

"You know... I don't know why I keep doing this..." The creature merely snorts. As if his words were some funny joke.

"Why wouldn't you?" A loud splash as his hands shoot up, spinning crazily around his head.

"THE HORSE IS OVER TEN THOUSAND YEARS OLD! LET THE DAMN THING REST IN PEACE!" Hands then slam into the ground repeatedly, the ground rumbling and shaking as he does so. Lunging forward, he looms over the dark being. A guttered noise being made all the while. "Why.... why do you keep bringing him back? Horses are great companions BUT FOR ALL OF HYLIA FIND A NEW STEED!" The shade takes a few steps away from the yelling god. Face screwing up at the raised voice. Its hands curl into fist, a snarl forming on its face.

"No! I will not!" More banging at the response given. Why? Why was this shade so damn stubborn?

"Then why? WHY? WHY KEEP COMING BACK?" Rocks shake loose as his fists continue to slam into the rough dirt. Wobbling, it desperately tries to keep its balance. Finally after two more hits, it lets out a cry as it falls back. Landing hard on its butt, a wince flashing acrossed its features. It was then things went still. Quiet. Any and all creatures surrounding the area no doubt fled the radius of the fountain. Head giving two loud cracks as it snaps from one side to the other. "Why?"

Lips pinching in a line, it looks away. No one moved. Silence enveloping the two. Waiting for the other to response, Malanya drifts closer. Still refusing to look, the shadowy being sighs. "Because Blue Moon is _my_ horse." A curious tilt was given. They both knew that yet somehow the Horse God sensed there was a deeper meaning to that. Choosing to remain silent, Malanya doesn't move showing he was listening. Waiting for the other to expound. Reaching down to the grass below, it rips some up with little restraint. "...The hero has his horse. The goddesses always bless him with Epona." A pause. "I want my horse too."

"..." Pulling back, the deity collects himself in the pond. The shade still refused to move from the spot it fell. Shifting some, he continues as normal. Unsure how to answer that response. "...Your horse says it got startled and stumbled back into a lava pit at Death Mountain."

**~~~~**

Low wheezing. It hurt everywhere. This curse... sharp, digging, stabbing. It ran in deep and drained him of all his power. Leaving him weak and defenseless. His flower curled into itself as the last line of protection. Desperate to hold in what little power he did have. No one had come for some time. That alone left his power dwindling and that swirling swine was the final nail in the coffin. Is this how it would be? For the rest of his days, nothing more than a withering source. A dying god. Far and wide that demon's reach could be felt. Its horrid grip squeezing all the life from everything. Hyrule had fallen. How long till total darkness? Till Ganon came to swallow him whole? Pathetic really. What could a horse god do to stop this?

Within his mopping misery, a sharp presence was felt. Searing and grating as it approaches. A soft crunching on the dead grass. Slow but steady the steps sound out. "Begone fiend...or I'll smite you where you stand..." A wheezed cough follows.

"You sound terrible." A pitiful attempt of a laugh follows in response. As if what the shadow said was funny.  
  
"You merely standing there hurts. If that tells you anything..." Silence is all he gets. If only he could see the other's face. See what it could possibly be thinking. More crunching is heard. It was closer. Standing on the outside of his pitiful pond. His once glorious fountain. "...I can't bring back your horse. I lack any energy to even open my bud." More silence. Malanya stoops lower in his waters. Murky and dark now. It offered no comfort as it once did. "The time of reign for your kind is soon to come. I'm sure you're just ecstatic about that, huh?"

Now the silence just frustrated him. Part of him wishing to bang against the soft padding of his walls. This prison. Once his home. His world was dying. He was dying yet the shade had _nothing_ to say. _Nothing_! After all he _did_ for him! Breaking rules! Pitying him! The shade had the audacity to stay _ **quiet**_! "Why are you even here?! Can't you see there's nothing for you here? Go! Go before I make you my lunch!"

"No..." Voice small. Small but stern. The Horse God stills his quarreling at once.

Sinking down more, he could barely see the outline of his body below the surface. Thankfully none of his limps were attached or this would be a tight squeeze. He was miserable enough as it was. He could only imagine the suffering of the Fairy sisters. "...I cannot help you."

"Maybe... but maybe I can return the favor." Malanya perks at this. Amusement filling him.

"You? You help me? Don't make me laugh, shade. The action will pain me so."

"What needs to be done?" ...? Shifting some more, he goes quiet. He... couldn't be serious.

"There is nothing you can do, shade. I need the hero's help to lift this curse but you know as well as me that he fell to Calamity Ganon's misdeeds." It was this turn for the shadow to laugh. What he found so funny in this was unclear.

"That is where you are wrong. Unlike you who live in a plant." The deity bristles at his words. "I actually get around. Hear all that people have to say. Rumor has it the hero is locked away healing. I cannot promise for how long but I'm sure it won't be for long." Now he was just confused.

"Why? Why are you doing this?" A sharp sensation washes over his senses. Almost knocking the breath out of him. Vision blurring for a few seconds. The shade must have been touching the bud.

"Because...," he starts out, "Who else will give me my horse back?"

And he laughs. Loud and booming despite the pain that racked his body with every sound.

**~~~~**

There it was. Familiar. Sharp. Grating yet not unwelcomed. Slow but steady as they approached. Water stirring, hands rise from the water. Gripping each side of his flower, body breaking the surface with a loud cracking noise. Lunging forward he is met with an unflinching face. Ever blank as he greets the spazzing deity. "YOU DARE APPROACH ME, FIEND?" The shade was silent. Not even bothered by the booming voice. Instead he just studies the god in front of him before cracking a smile.

"I want my horse."

"...You know I really should say no one of these days."

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this turned out longer than I had originally thought. I also planned on making this more funny or just, you know, funny in general. Giving more scenes of how the horse died and the horse god being like god dammit man just let the horse gooooo. With Dark Link being a stubborn ass who will take no such answer. *Shrugs* Oh well. This is what came up instead so hopefully you enjoyed it. If you even made it this far; and if you did then thank you! I appreciate it.
> 
> You know I got this idea off of two things: BotW's new horse mechanic of catching whatever horse you wish and finding Malanya in the dark armor. Afterwards I started thinking how funny it would be if Dark Link managed to catch a horse and feeling mighty proud of having his own steed gets way too attached to it.
> 
> Also apologizes if Malanya gets a little OOC as the fic progesses. As fun as it is writing him, it's hard to have him spazz and scream every five seconds and make this look like a decent read.


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